The pseudo suicide letter

this past sem, i've done nothing but blubber. it's hardly a secret to you that i am a very big crybaby. i'm sorry for doing that, but i just really needed emotional social support [that's a coping strategy, you know]. i must've wailed at you so loud that you could see my tonsils vibrate. hehe. i'm sorry if i made you feel unfomfortable while i did this, or that you had to give me your t-shirt sleeve to wipe my tears on. it must've really turned you off, though you made sure i didn't realize this. thanks for that. it's so great to have someone like you. you know, when i cry at home, people get mad at me. maybe because i do it often. but you, you understand. and if you don't, that doesn't matter to you at all...by patting my head and combing your fingers through my tangled hair, you've managed to make me feel better. i am uber happy to have met you. even if we're not that close, even if i am hardly of any use to you, you're still there for me. this drives me crazy..and i love it. as oxymoronic as it may sound, this keeps me sane too. i want you to know that you've done so much for me..so much that i am terrified that i won't survive without you. you oughtta know that whatever happens to me, 'tis my own doing. don't feel guilty. if it weren't for you, i wouldn't have even reached this far. so thank you. i love you so much. i just want you to know that it's a wrench to have to part with you..but it's too late for any of us to change it. goodbye.

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hehe..don't worry..even if i am desperate, i know i'm not thaaaaaaaaat useless. you'll know when i'm planning to committ suicide coz then, i'd be making wills, doing bits of good deeds, that sort of stuff. i thought this us on the trip home after chem dep. it was meant to be a thank you letter to you all coz you've been so nice to me and i haven't an idea why coz i don't think i deserve it, but i ended up writing a pseudo suicide note instead..haha..there are symbolisms whatever in this...anyway, love you all..toodles...

Hoping…waiting….

The first episode of one tree hill’s 2nd season just ended, and I am feeling blissfully sad. Weird, huh? Here are some of the events which took place: Brooke and Peyton are friends again, Luke and Keith went back, and Nathan promised Halley [is the spelling right?] that he’d always be there with her. This is what touched me most. See, last season, they got married. Note: they’re still in high school..and it wasn’t so they could have sex. It didn’t matter that they didn’t have much in common or that Nathan’s dad doesn’t approve of their relationship or that his mom didn’t want them to get married at such a young age. They knew it was the opportune moment, and they seized it.

Anyway, it was just super duper sweet, so watch it! I just wanted to voice out my hopes of finding my Nathan. And it doesn’t even matter if that happens now or 40 years later. What matters is that it does happen. Period. *sighs real loud*