old maid in the making

Last Sunday, October 24th, I went back to my high school to join the so-called festivities of its annual Family Day. I spent a couple of hours watching the dance productions of high school students with my high school friends. Afterwards, I met up with my best friend and [surprise! surprise!] some of her male block mates. They’d talk, I’d listen. It was alright. Then, she and I met up with more high school friends. When we were alone [sort of], I told her something I never had the guts to tell anyone before: that I fear that I’ll actually be an old maid, a spinster, a single woman desperately searching for that great love yet never finding it [maybe a Charlotte York, though not as pretty]. I mean, I’ve been wondering out loud, asking when my no-boyfriend-since-birth status will change, but I’ve never really faced what could be the truth-until now. Of course, it’s too early to tell. I mean, I’m only 16, but I can’t help asking, “what if?”

That Sunday, and even on the previous family day, I felt how it was to be left behind. I couldn’t catch up with the train that boarded people with future “romantic” relationships. I see all my friends and most of them are “experienced” or at least, have potentials to be. Then I look in the mirror, and I see the wallflower..the girl who repels members of the male species for some unknown reason [well..unknown to her].

I remember my mom scolding me for my lousy hairstyle, telling me I’d never get a good boyfriend if I went out the house looking like that. And even though most of you guys know I’m on a quest [well..not really] to find “love”, I found myself saying, “so what? Hindi naman ako nabubuhay para magkaroon ng boyfriend eh!” Yes, I said that [during this schoolyear, I might add]. I guess it’s come back to haunt me. I’m looking for IT as a supplement to my life, but I don’t exactly live to find IT. So why give IT to me, right?

People have so many opinions regarding love. Some say it completes you. Others say that only people who are already complete are capable of having a good relationship since it’s just supposed to be an extra, a bonus..like dessert to a 2-course meal. Some flinch at the thought of soul mates and spending eternity with a single person. Hmmm..i’m really confused! Sometimes I’m amazed to see single people so successful in life. I ask myself, are they successful because they can live without IT? Or did they strive so much for excellence to try to fill in the hole in their lives? How about couples? Did they think that success in their career or whatever is secondary to love? Or are they just too tied up? Is a romantic relationship really that important? They say we can’t live without it, and yet we do. Or are we really living?

Perhaps we can never be totally complete, whether in a relationship or not. There will always be something missing. For singles, maybe a bit of love. For couples, perhaps a bit of freedom. Whatever it is, one must choose which she’d/he’d rather have in his life and which she’d/he’d be willing to let go of. Then, one may achieve the truly intrinsic good in life: happiness. Or you can at least come close to doing so.

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sorry bout this..i know you’ll hate me for posting something about being an old maid. Anyway, in case you don’t know, I am one of the so-called founders of HRM. That’s hopeless romantics’ ministry. Don’t look at me..i know, I know. It’s corny. But we lovebirds can’t help it. Most of our members [from my block] are SSB’s too. Haha! You can join us! Actually, we haven’t done anything since the day we made the group. But it’s nice for lonely people like me, and even for those who aren’t so lonely, cause you find that you can belong. Maybe not to THE ONE, well..not yet, at least. Whaaaat? I’m semi-desperate!!